a new Ikea became manifest locally, an event that Beth totally wanted to experience. we've been to the one in New Haven, on our way to Beth's mother's place. Beth loves furniture stores, but this time, we had a need. we sought a cheap and space efficient bed, and Ikea had it. after some solid putting-things-away we toddled off yesterday afternoon. directions on the flyer were oddly local, as if only people in the next town would be interested in the whereabouts of the store. a phone call merely got a taped repeat of the flyer's driections. I knew how to reach the town of Stoughton, near Foxboro, thank gosh the Patriots were in Miami. near Stoughton we stopped at a conveninece store for advice. the guy there said head straght down the road, keep to the left and you'll see it. he said it in a no worries way. okay. down the road a piece and feeling a little fuzzy, but then, ta-dah!, a state highway sign: IKEA. and then we saw a long, long line of cars waiting to turn left. and a cop assisting the traffic light. and oh boy. the last 1/2 mile took about 20 minutes. almost a stone's throw from Ikea: a Jordan's furniture. that being a big time local furniture chain. we went to Jordan's newest store a while ago, a huge emporium that includes an IMAX theatre, a jelly bean store, fun for the kiddies, and an actual trapeze school (?!!!). also some furniture, I guess. this Jordan's had signs welcoming Ikea and saying before or after you shop at Ikea come on in and get some real value. seemed like a couple of boxers in prefight hoot. in sooth, the stores don't completely compete, the styles and prices at both places define themselves well. but Ikea is pretty damn big, if absolutely gigantor is your idea of big. many Uhauls and rental vans were evident, and buses, for crying out loud. the place felt like a major airport around Thanksgiving. a steady flow of people following the trail of the store's floorplan. Beth and I held hands, at least partly with the idea of anchoring each other. elsewise it would be that scene in "Last of the Mohicans" with Daniel Day-Lewis telling Madeleine Stowe: I will find you!!! the item we wanted, a bed with storage drawers underneath, was displayed where it should be. I wrote down where to find one to take home, and we slogged on, past every single item that Ikea offers. and can we accept that wandering in stores talking on your cellphone, especially those headsets, is the new schizophrenia? into the warehouse. so here's the deal, which I hadn't realized before (this is our 1st Ikea purchase): the store is Home Depot with a whole display area as well. so we got a thing to carry our bed, I don't have a word for the thing. it was to carry our potential bed, that is, boxed. the thing was awkward and listed to the left as it went. thus so did we. we found the appropriate aisle and bins. Ikea's reliance on Swedish is kind of a joke on us, n'est-ce pas? it's a big smoke screen, like my French. we had to poke around a bit to figure out that we had the right thing. and not quite: a guy looking for the same thing said to us, do you realize that there are two boxes for this item? no we didn't, so good save by him. we listed our way to checkout, which was very like a busy airport. too many people to see thru, lines were hard to make out. but we got into line and waited. there was periodic yelling and cheering, which Beth found out later was a giveaway feature. a wheel was spun, to identify the winning aisle. if you were being checked out of that aisle at the time, your order was free. for some, that would be a major deal. Beth gratuitously grabbed some paper napkins and votive candles to add to our order then went to bring the Phaeton around while I continued the wait. there's a fair sense of efficiency at Ikea but the number of people was nearly overwhelming. the store, I didn't mench, has only been open a week. the cashier solicitously said to me, you must be very tired. well, I was, but only because the cat had started his rampage at 3am not 5. I said I couldn't be more tired than her. I was in sensory overload after an hour, tho. nearby was a jazz trio rattling off some mellow stylings. I saved 1% on my order because I used a debit card, score Allen! then I made my way thru the crowd. with the thing listing to the left and people dodging about, it was a challenge to my navigational abilities, but no drastic injuries did I incur upon anyone. so far as I know. into an elevator with 2 other sets of shoppers, where we all made eye contact, sighed and smiled. it was quiet in the elevator. 5 or 10 minutes till Beth arrived. she said she met a woman who had sent her husband to fetch the car, had waited 25 minutes in line to checkout, and her husband still had not arrived. sometime today I'll see how easy it is to put the bed together. in a Globe interview, the President of Ikea said that yes indeed he has put together the Ikea furniture that brings charm and crisp Scandinavian style to his very own house. good on him. the Globe today had a front page about the traffic problems due to Ikea, and I was part of that problem!!! Nick Piombino writes of his visits to art galleries, but AHB: he gives you Ikea. not that you have to choose: you can have both!